Reposted Fics
by Kathryn Shadow
Summary: What it says on the tin—things that I took down during my random fanfic purge, but whose return has been requested. Drose. Be warned, though—the stuff in here is not my best. Good luck.
1. Without

The Doctor didn't seem to have a point any more, and it was all his last self's fault.

It is true that the Doctor never knows what he's going to end up with in the regeneration process. Being half-human messes up the natural capability of Time Lords to control their next self's appearance and personality and whatnot. But there's still that tiny ounce of control, and when exacerbated by a remnant of the Vortex...

Nine hadn't been intentionally mucking about with his regeneration. He just wanted Rose safe and happy and preferably with him, and that inner instinct took over.

It took a while for it to properly sink in, but he finally figured out why he had so many characteristics which he hadn't had before. Rose got uncomfortable when Nine went off on his sulky silences, so Ten got the amazing ability to talk pointlessly for hours on end at speeds previously unheard-of even for him. Rose continuously brought pretty-boys onto the TARDIS, so Ten got to be a pretty-boy. Rose never quite seemed to tire of anything until long after Nine was bored out of his mind, so Ten got more excitement about the most mundane of tasks than either of them knew what to do with, as well as boundless energy. Rose got into trouble almost more often than the Doctor himself, so Ten got the inability to do anything useful until after Rose was out of danger— and the ability to intimidate the hell out of whatever had so much as looked at her the wrong way. Rose was obviously the most intelligent and resourceful creature in the universe, so Ten got the inability to see anyone else as being anywhere near her equal in those categories. Rose had immensely enjoyed Nine's method of saving her from the Bad Wolf (He _did _have to look into her thoughts for a bit so he could lock the memories away, so he got an excruciatingly clear sense of precisely what she thought of the moments just before she lost consciousness), so Ten got to have an oral fixation and the almost irresistible urge to use it on her and not just random bits of technology.

In short, every nuance of Ten was there just to keep Rose safe, happy and with him. He was _designed _for that purpose and no other.

So when she was gone...

Donna couldn't stand his tendency to babble pointlessly when they were in the middle of danger.

Martha got bored far more easily than Rose, and was also extremely irked whenever something even slightly disgusting happened in her general direction.

Astrid... well, he hadn't really hung around her for long enough to figure out how she didn't fit. He just knew she didn't.

Donna's tolerance for his nattering rose, but she cultivated an intolerance for his automatic assumption that she was mostly useless.

Nobody fit into that hole Rose had left. Nobody tolerated or liked all of him. Try as he might, he couldn't find anyone to _revolve _around who wasn't in Pete's World.

He was the Oncoming Storm, but nobody but her could safely get to the eye and be protected by the Storm which raged all around it. He continued to destroy everything in his path, but for what purpose?

None.

He was pointless.

And it was all Nine's fault.


	2. Shockwave

Everyone saw the list. Everyone. Literally, everyone.

Everyone saw her name printed in soulless letters on the cold page, carelessly thrown amongst countless others as if she was just one of many who died and not the one who had sacrificed everything to save the universe.

The Doctor read the list in the quiet of the TARDIS and froze when he saw her name, his breath catching in his throat, burning in his trachea remarkably like a hedgehog would had there been a hedgehog in his trachea.

He'd known, of course. Battle that big, if someone went missing, they were presumed dead. But seeing it there, in stark, incongruous black, it struck him. She was dead. She was alive, but she was dead to him.

He had failed her. He'd sworn he'd protect her, and he had failed.

He curled up, head hidden in his arms, and let himself cry for the first time since the Battle.

-BAD WOLF-

Sarah-Jane read the list in the relative peace of her home. She had lost friends in the Battle— everyone had— and she wanted to make sure that those who hadn't contacted her were still, in fact, alive.

She almost skipped over her name, but when it finally registered she stopped breathing.

Not her. Not dear, sweet Rose, who had managed to capture the Doctor's hearts even if she didn't know it. Not the only person Sarah-Jane could talk to about the Doctor who would actually understand. Please, not her...

She took out her cell phone and called the Doctor.

"Is it true?" she asked him as soon as he answered. "The list. Rose's name. Is it true?"

Silence. "She's gone," was all he said.

The break in his voice said it all.

-BAD WOLF-

Jack was one of the first to read it— he and his haphazard team, and he felt odd that he hadn't lost anyone. Every single person there was crying, if only a little bit, because the name of someone they knew was on that list. Even Owen was hurting. But he, Jack, secreted in his underground base with the only creatures he considered friends all standing (or, in the case of the pterodactyl, flying) around him? He had no-one. Not even to miss.

His eyes skimmed over the list and he recognised quite a few names from Torchwood One. Idiots. He had told them not to muck around with the rift, and they hadn't listened. They never did.

But he didn't see one person, not even one, that he liked.

And then...

He nearly missed it. But right there, halfway down the page; there she was.

_Rose Tyler._

He thought his heart stopped, but it still throbbed sharply and painfully in his chest.

Not her, he thought to himself, instinctively backing away from the cold sheets of paper. Not her.

He felt tears begin to pool slowly in his eyes, slipping down his face, eating into his ashen cheeks like acid.

A blaze of anger flared within him as Tosh and Owen glanced over at him, confused, but he paid them no heed as blistering rage seared him inside. How could the Doctor let her die? Why the hell hadn't he protected her like he always swore he would? The second he found that bastard he would kill him. Murder him. Slowly. And make it excruciatingly clear why he was doing it.

He could live with not knowing why he was immortal if only to see the bastard suffer.

-BAD WOLF-

Harriet Jones read the list as soon as she could.

_Jackie Tyler._

_Rose Tyler._

_Samuel Tyl..._

Her eyes flickered back up and it felt like the world had stopped.

Rose, who had stood up before the Sycorax bravely and managed to buy enough time for the Doctor to awaken? Who had figured out how to save them all when the missiles struck Downing Street? Who had...  
>It didn't seem possible.<p>

But there it was.

Her one conscious thought was that the Doctor would be heartbroken.

-BAD WOLF-

Zachary Cross-Flane was going through the Archive on their way back to Earth when he found it.

"Oh my—" he managed to say.

"What? What is it?" asked Ida.

He wordlessly showed her the list.

"Oh no," she murmured.

Zach was shaken himself. Rose, dead? Impossible. She had been so... so clever, so resourceful, so full of life, and she had the Doctor's undying protection as well; it had to be a mistake.

"Says she went missing," he said quietly. "They asked the man she had been travelling with what happened, and he just said that she was gone."

"But—" protested Danny, who had finally roused himself out of his half-asleep state enough to process what was happening.

"I know," said Zach.

The next few hours passed in silence.

-BAD WOLF-

Shareen and Keisha read the list together. Well, not together, but on the phone, and they considered that as counting.

And then they saw it.

"What?" breathed Shareen.

Keisha was silent as she read it again, and when she spoke, her voice was choked. "I thought... I thought she'd just gone off travelling again and hadn't said good-bye..."

"Me too," cried Shareen. "But she's... I didn't even know she was here, and..."

"Poor John," murmured Keisha when they had both managed to calm down a bit.

Shareen nodded to herself as she remembered the unbearably attractive John Smith. He obviously considered her his entire world, and everyone could see it except Rose herself.

He would be devastated.

Shareen wished that she had actually managed to get his phone number, but this time it was so that maybe she might be able to help him.

God knew she needed help now.

-BAD WOLF-

Martha found the list on a table in the library.

She'd had read the list before. But she read it again; she'd no idea why. An inventory, she supposed, of what she had lost: the one sane person in her family, her cousin Adeola.

She shook herself as she completely passed up the O section before she noticed something scribbled near the bottom.

A name, circled.

_Rose Tyler._

And a note off to the side, written in sloppy Gallifreyan with little distortions from dried liquid scattered haphazardly across the page.

She momentarily stopped breathing, guilt streaming over her. No wonder the Doctor was so defensive about Rose, so depressed about her. No wonder he had only managed to say her full name a few days before, and even then he had gone off on one of his heartsbroken trances, seeing absolutely nothing for several seconds before he returned to his facade of cheerfulness.

Martha had known for some time that the Doctor absolutely adored the mysterious Rose Tyler. She had just assumed that Rose had left and the Doctor, being the Doctor, had let her go. She had assumed that Rose didn't know what it was she had and decided to go back to normalcy. She had assumed...

But all this time she had just died. In a battle which, Martha knew now, was resolved by the Doctor.

Unexpectedly filled with self-loathing, she went to the console room, list in hand, to find the alien curled in a highly improbable position under the console, patiently trying to do something to the TARDIS which didn't appear to be working, judging by the sparks.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly as soon as the sparks and Gallifreyan cursing died down.

He poked his head above the floor. "What about?" he asked, a confused frown etched between his eyebrows, his hair ruffled from either electric shock or frustration.

Martha indicated the list, and his face fell.

"Ah," he said.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I didn't know."

He shook his head. "Nah," he said quietly. "You couldn't have."

And that was when Martha Jones finally gave up hope that the Doctor would ever love her.

But that wouldn't stop her from being there for him if he needed her.


End file.
